What is the Sisterhood Wound?
Welcome to the 1st of a 5 part series on Healing the Sisterhood Wound!
The sister wound has been coined perfectly by Sabrina Lynn of Rewilding as “The sisterhood wound is the manifestation of women living in a patriarchal society who have had to use unhealthy coping mechanisms to survive and have not processed that grief and pain and then continue to pass on the sisterhood wound to the next generation.”
So, obviously, this is not just about having a sister and hating her, it is about the collective of women, our sisters hating on each other. And, honestly, I don’t like to use the word “hate” because the energy behind it is so strong, so menacing, so piercing. Energetically, I see it like a dagger piercing the person you are sending hate too. So, how did all of this start with women hating on other women? 3500 years ago, men and women lived in harmony and women supported and looked after one another and their children. After the rise of the patriarchy and the use of religion and agriculture to tip the balance of power, things became more hierarchical and women were competing against each other to be lead wife.
Since then, women have been conditioned to fear another woman with power and fight each other for survival. It is almost like a known rite of passage for girls to go through the “mean girl” phase in middle and high school with other girls. The cattiness and stepping on, the judgement and ridicule we put on each other. Competing, comparing bodies, looks, how others talk and dress. This wound has taught us to seperate ourselves from other women. That we need to operate alone, that other women cannot be trusted and that other women will shame and judge you. Our culture we live in today reinforces this. . . look at the shows we watch, women competing for other men, jobs, roles, bashing on each other, etc. I can think of a few of these shows I am guilty of watching and participating in the judgement of these women.
How do you feel about your sisters right now? Jealousy? Resentful? Competitive? Jugemental? Does her success trigger you or make you feel like a failure? Do you struggle to trust or go deeply into feminine relationships and let them in?
Heathers Anyone? Sisterhood wound is strong in this movie!
I was guilty of all of these and there are wounds that I am still working on now, which I will tell you about in the next part of this series. The thing is, we all have had these feelings and biases, some more than others. They were handed down to us from our family, our ancestors, our society and conditioning. However, with that, we also inherited some pretty BAD ASS traits from our ancestors of being magnetic, utilizing free will, having a natural tendency to help and nurture, transform and change.
Before we get into this week’s first exercise, let me just tell you about why you want to heal the sisterhood wound. Healing this wound, not only heals you, but it heals it in your ancestors and in your children and in your children’s children. Healing is the gift that keeps on giving! How wonderful is that?! Another great thing is that when you begin healing these wounds, you will notice that your relationships get better, you feel a better and deeper connection not only with women, but with everyone. You will feel better able to let your guard down and trust. It will also help you have greater awareness and more unconditional love. Did you know that when we as women have positive interactions with our friends, oxytocin is released, which is our bonding hormone/love hormone and is associated with trust and relationship building? What a great reason to gather with your best girlfriends!
Our first exercise in working with our sisterhood wounds is a form of reflective healing, based off of the universal law of mirroring.
The law of mirroring suggests that we aren’t only attracting certain circumstances into our lives, we are actually getting glimpses of who we are through how we perceive others. In other words, if we are viewing someone in a negative light, it simply means that there is some element of ourselves with which we are viewing in a negative light. That the origin of our negative feelings towards another person is really within us, not the other person. They are just a mirror of what we do not wish to see within ourselves. Now, if that ain’t a mike drop. Wow! Now, this law also applies to all the great and wonderful traits we like to talk about and take ownership of. So, everything you admire in another person is a reflection of what we carry in ourselves as well. Think about all the people you admire or notice about other people that make you think, “Wow” or “I wish I had that quality!” Chica, if you see it, you have that aspect within you! You would not be able to label or understand it if you did not possess it!
The whole premise behind this law of mirroring is if we never become aware that we are harboring and sustaining a certain vibration/emotion/feeling, we can’t embrace it or shift it to alter the experience that we want to have. It puts you back in the driver’s seat of your life.
Iyanla Vanzant says: “What we love in other people is what we love in ourselves. What we hate in other people is what we cannot see in ourselves.”
Exercise, week 1: Mirror Mirror on the Wall
Find one woman that irks or triggers you.
Write down all the qualities or ways that irk or trigger you, etc. For example: “she is not trustworthy, only cares about herself and is a show off.”
Now reflect these same quality traits you stated with questions to yourself and write them down. Take your time with this step here and just let it flow, journal, and keep digging until you have your “aha” moment of where you need to shift.
Similarities: Where do I meet the untrustworthy trait in me, the woman who only cares about herself in me, the show off in me or something similar?
Desires: Where is this showing up in traits that you need or want? Such as, where are you not speaking up about your wants and needs (only cares about herself) or where are you needing to be more celebratory of the things in your life or feel that you don’t have anything to celebrate in life? (show off)
Now, take either the same woman or a different woman and flip it. What is it about this person that you admire? What are the qualities or traits they have that you love or feel lit up by or desire? Make that list!
OK, save this list because we are going to do something about in in the next blog post! Take this next week to really dig into these questions and sit with them.
All the things you love about a woman, are the same qualities you possess in yourself
